Well lately i have been feeling very down.....because of the guy i really liked, backslided alot...and on my part feel very dumped and isolated...but i thank God that i had studied what i needed to know for blocktest before these stuff struck.....
sometimes you wonder why life seems so mundane......
but i thank the LOrd for my mum....she was there for me to encourage me in my room, had a heart to heart talk with her on relationships and she said that God indeed has prepared someone for me...i just had to wait and pray....even my younger sister who's like basically my best friend because she sleeps and knows me as who i am...in and out of the house, had encouraged me with her cute and adorable smile on her face....i guess that's what sistas are for:)....even my friends around me like serena, peishan, pete and others who encouraged me with my relationship dilemma...
i thank God that block tests are over, what a relief...i really hope that i can be able to do all this tests like better than the 1st one....really hope to put a smile on my dad's face...and even to finally discover the right studying method for me or it will be utterly tiring in a way......then i have to start all over again which is going to be AGONIZING...oh Lord please do help me to do better than the past.....haha oh well...
man today i went to NTUC with my younger bro......man he has beaten my hEIGHT!!!!AH!!!!that's like impossible~ how can this be?!!!!!wait a min ....I AM OLDER!!!!!!! lol oh well....watching how he has grown has encouraged much in my life....he has changed for the better in many ways with his idosyncrasies and his way OFF crap......i thank God for him...
Joy :: 6:10 AM
Man today was the last day of camp, broke camp and came home to have a good nap...felt really good after everything though during the camp i was like thoroughly ill and down at times, thank the Lord for sustaining me...it comes to me now and then,i think of him and then i don't, really miss him, but that isnt the main thing, As are coming up, so many things clouding my mind, what should i do? sometimes i feel that he is ignoring me just to forget about everything...LOrd when i think of Him...do u think he thinks of me as well...or is he too engrossed with music to keep his mind of relationships...? i wonder if we will ever see daylight again? whether the night storms will die down and spring comes bringing laughter and joy once again? when will that come....? will it come? do i wait? do i move on? i want to ...extremely hard though.....studies coming up ...worried i might fail once more after studying so hard...will i ever get good results? dont' want to make me papa sad....want to see him smile...i'm a good kid...i can do this? but what if i can't? where is this road i'm walking leading me to....? i want to see daylight, to hear the russle of the leaves talk to me ...and in their adrenaline whisper words to me........where has all that gone to? feel like breakin, but i must push on to see a next season, i want a happier season Lord!...please do give me one i really need it......
Joy :: 6:21 AM
today has been a one which is tiring and all, well i thank GOd for it though haha oh well...man block tests are all coming up next week:) i'm going CRAZY!!!!!!
Joy :: 1:11 AM
i am so hungry toDAY REALLY HUNGRY........man i ate like a pig today...........horrible!!!!(joy rebukes herself) haha really tiring today ......managed to study alittle though haha........
Joy :: 11:33 PM
well today was another day.......man yesterday was really a killer.....i nearly got blown off by the wind......well not exactly, man my umbrella had to actually turn the other way!!!!!!!!!how sad is that?! GOT ME DRENChed....actually ALL DRENCHED.....but me mum was so sweet she even offered to fetch me from the bus stop......man that is like so ANCIENT.....oh well
back to today.......really very happy and tired....CONTRADICTION.......people say that i'm a walking irony....my good friend calls me "CONFUSED CHILD".........haha i guess very much...that's why listen to weird music and extremely abstract tunes..........haha WEIRDO....just came home....reflected upon today i thank GOd that i actually had the discipline to like study in schooll......i meant me ...STUDY IN SCHOOL....to be truthful honestly i feel that i'm like GEEK MATERIAL.........man especially in SAJC..........don't know what's come over me......i guess i just like being kept under LOW PROFILE....lol another wierd trait of mine.....i really pray that one day i will do things for GOd...wholeheartedly and like do things for his GLory...i just love composing music......and when people tell me i play well......i point them towards HIM ....i mean its true when i look at myself when i play the piano....sometimes i don't even remember the chords i play....and its like when i play I FEEL GOD's pleasure....his warm grin and the tune just brings my fingers along........really hope to cut a CD on piano instrumental..or of a progressive rock pianist.....in the meantime...i wont bend HIS hand.....really hope that i can get into the U....to pursue Psychology......i mean i wanna help people too...it saddens me when i see so many friends who come from downcast homes...i believe that GOd has put 'em there for a reason .i wanna make them see that......
hope and pray to at least get a B B B for my A level grade.gonna be tough...but i gotta push on....hehe:)
thank you Lord for today
Joy :: 1:32 AM
today has been cool...when out with me sister and family to celebrate and thank GOd for her Os
really funny, really funny and humourous family i have........really have been going through lots.broke down yesterday, because i can't stand myself.........
GOd is there i know it....and i believe that he is changing me,....
Joy :: 5:34 AM
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
today, was a really tough day...really tired spiritually, mentally, and physically....whole load of burden....i know that God is there ...i thank GOd for me friends...never fail to make me laugh and to encourage me...sometimes i really feel like quiting everything...really tired of many things and man i just wanna give up sometimes....but i want to run the race, to have fought the fight and to have kept the faith...man its difficult.....i have to do it somehow by God's grace, i thank GOd that i have grown and i really hope and pray that i will see life from HIs perspective and not dwell on earthly and materialistic things....i really wanna change to learn to love , to use things and to love people and NOT USE people and LOVE things....really wanna Love Christ more , its difficult and i struggle so much with an inner battle which makes me feel weary...but i KNOW that he is there..........
Joy :: 5:33 AM
